From a concerned public health specialist
When I read the recent news that junior specialists will now receive their specialist allowance from the start of their supervision period, I felt a strange mix of relief and deep pain.
Because, while this policy may protect others moving forward, it came too late for me.
For me, this policy is not just news. It’s a painful reminder of what I lost – four years of waiting, two failed gazettement attempts and RM142,800 in backdated specialist allowances that I will never recover.
And perhaps worst of all, the belief that I, too, was a valued part of our healthcare system.
The beginning of a long, unfair journey
In early 2021, I completed my DrPH and MPH through a prestigious local university with a scholarship from the public services department (JPA). I was ready to serve, contribute, and take up my role as a public health medicine specialist.
In May 2021, I was posted to a district health office and began the supervised training and documentation required for gazettement. I submitted everything, including logbooks, reports, and evaluations, all of which were signed and verified by my supervisors.
But when it came to the final decision, I was told I didn’t “qualify”.
Not because of any professional incompetence. Not because I hadn’t met the standards.
I failed because of subjective assessments, such as judgments of my behaviour and interpersonal style.
The real reason? My supervisors were aware of a “depressive disorder”. Instead of understanding how it might affect emotional expression or social interaction, they chose to view it as professional unsuitability.
Double burden, zero recognition
During the supervision period, I was already doing specialist work, including handling technical tasks, leading activities, and completing surveillance. Yet, I was only paid a medical officer’s salary.
For every month that I was blocked from gazettement, I lost RM2,800 that I had rightfully earned.
After my first rejection, I tried again. Another year, another rejection.
At one point, a senior consultant from the public health development division (BPKA) gave me three options – attempt a third gazettement, remain a medical officer without specialist recognition, or resign and seek work elsewhere.
He even said: “Imagine if you had pursued specialisation in surgery and during your gazettement, you lose an arm due to an accident and can no longer perform surgeries. Do you think it is fair for us to give you the specialist allowance?”
That statement left me speechless. It reflected a deeply flawed mindset and a lack of empathy from those overseeing specialist development in the health ministry.
Same reason – vague, subjective judgements from the same people.
No regard for my work. No respect for my credentials. Just a constant reminder that someone like me wasn’t welcome to rise in the health ministry.
The financial loss cuts deep
After four years, I was finally allowed a third attempt – thanks to the intervention of the Malaysian Medical Association (MMA) and appeals that went all the way to the top. I succeeded but it took months of waiting.
But due to technical delays and a system that only activates allowances once a special committee convenes, my specialist allowance will only begin in October 2025 – 51 months after I began the gazettement process.
That’s RM142,800 gone.
Gone, despite me completing everything I was asked to. Gone, despite me meeting every required competency standard. Gone, simply because the system was allowed to fail me, and no one stopped it.
And there’s no way to claim it back. Health ministry rules state that once more than a year has passed, the backdating is forfeited. Even if the delay was due to supervisors’ bias or administrative gridlock.
Beyond the money: the pain of feeling undervalued
This isn’t just about lost income. It’s about what that loss represents.
It’s the feeling of being unwanted by a system I was trained to serve. It’s the feeling of being punished for being open about my mental health.
It’s the sense of being invisible – my years of study, my sacrifice, my commitment to public service, all treated as if they meant nothing.
It affects how I show up to work. It affects my trust in the system. It worsened my mental health.
I felt demoralised, ashamed, and exhausted. And I constantly questioned whether everything I had sacrificed was even worth it.
This should never happen again
That’s why I welcome the new health ministry policy on supervised work experience (SWE) allowances. It protects junior specialists from what I endured.
However, it also exposes how broken the system was before.
Because for every doctor who will now be paid fairly from day one, there are others like me, who were discarded, delayed, and denied – both by human prejudice and by rigid, outdated policy.
The health ministry must go further by doing the following:
- make the gazettement process transparent, time-bound, and auditable;
- protect health workers with mental health conditions, don’t punish them for seeking help;
- allow appeals for cases where delays were systemic or discriminatory, not personal failures;
- ensure specialist committees convene regularly, so allowances aren’t arbitrarily delayed.
State health directors must also take greater responsibility in addressing and preventing injustices like this from happening under their jurisdiction.
Leadership at the state level should play a proactive role in ensuring fairness and safeguarding the mental well-being of specialists-in-training.
I write this with a heavy heart, but also with renewed hope. Because, although the system failed me, I am now a registered public health medicine specialist on the National Specialist Register (NSR).
But I want junior doctors, medical officers, and those currently undergoing gazettement to know that you are not alone, and you deserve better.
This article is for you. For the taxpayers who deserve better systems. For the policymakers who still have work to do. And for every doctor who simply wants to serve with dignity.
*Author’s name withheld for privacy.
The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of FMT.
